(en)(blog) Between queer and LGBTQIA+

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+# Between queer and LGBTQIA+
+
+<small>2024-09-22 | [@andrea](/@andrea)</small>
+
+![Two flags waving in the wind on a blue sky background: progress pride and anarcha queer](/img-local/blog/queer-lgbtq.png)
+<p style="margin-top: -.75rem"><small class="text-muted">Flags waving effect made with <a href="https://krikienoid.github.io/flagwaver/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Flagwaver</a>. Background hoto by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@sklepacki?utm_content=creditCopyText&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash">Stephanie Klepacki</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/white-clouds-and-blue-sky-gXG_2TpSBOch" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Unsplash</a></small></p>
+
+I've realised that it's been a while since I called myself “a member of the LGBTQIA+” community – instead, I would just call myself “queer”.
+And sure, part of the reason why is how much easier the word rolls of the tongue compared to spelling out the acronym;
+part of the reason why are the constant battles over which letters should be included in the acronym and which not.
+But most importantly – _those terms simply aren't synonyms_.
+While there's obviously a lot of overlap between the two, I find the differences to be quite significant.
+And one describes me better than the other.
+
+But what's the difference exactly, you might ask? Well, I've been asking myself the same thing:
+why does one feel so much more fitting than the other? How would I define those terms? One of them is quite obvious:
+
+> **LGBTQIA+** are lesbians, gays, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, aromantic people, and more.
+> It generally includes everyone who's not cisgender, heterosexual, allosexual etc.
+
+This initialism is self-explanatory, it just lists groups of gender, sexual and romantic minorities that unite
+under a rainbow flag. The sheer fact that your identity is not “mainstream” makes you included by the acronym.
+And if you [read Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer), you might think that queer is basically the same.
+After all: “Queer is an umbrella term for people who are not heterosexual or are not cisgender.”
+
+But some observations from my life made me contemplate the question in more depth.
+First of all, my friend circle tends to gravitate around queers. Of course it does.
+We share similar struggles, similar goals, similar views. They make me feel understood and safe.
+There's a distinct _vibe_ between us. Among queer people I simply can be myself.
+
+But there's an important caveat that I couldn't quite put my finger on until recently.
+There are LGBTQIA+ people with whom I don't share that connection at all – and there are also people that I'm immediately
+vibing with in this way, even though the question of their gender or orientation never actually came up, nor do I care.
+Why? Despite a _big_ overlap between this connection and being a member of a marginalised group,
+the circles don't _fully_ overlap.
+
+I was once told, by a gay person, that if LGB people in Poland want to have civil unions
+(let alone proper marriage equality), they should stop parading around their weirdness,
+and instead… go volunteer their free labour at a potato harvest – and maybe then the society
+will mercifully grant them some rights. Yeah, no… You do you, but I'll skip, thank you very much.
+LGBTQIA+ might include everyone of non-mainstream identity, but **queer is also anti-assimilationist.**
+
+And the other observation is how much non-queer stuff I have in common with my queer friends.
+It's not just this one common denominator between all of us – but we also generally tend to be leftists,
+anti-capitalist, feminist, anti-racist, anti-ableist, etc. We've been on the minoritised side of the society,
+we understand that until all of us are free, none of us are free.
+LGBTQIA+ might include everyone of non-mainstream identity, but **queer is also intersectional.**
+
+Under [a Reddit post](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/1fados7/gender_identity_of_the_poly_pool/)
+asking for thoughts on why polyamorous people seem to be more likely to be queer, I found many comments that
+said basically the same thing, but this one I think put it best:
+
+> The Venn Diagram of polyamory, kink, queerness and neurodiversity is basically becoming a circle at this point lmao. Or at least that’s how my social circle jokes about it. In my experience these are also mostly politically left-leaning folks, from liberals to socialists to literal anarchists. Also lots of disabled folks.
+>
+> Forms of marginalisation (i.e. distance / exclusion / alienation from Normative Society™️) tend to increasingly intersect as they accumulate. It makes “common sense” sense if you sit and think about it for 5+ minutes. Hence intersectionality.
+>
+> Forms of resistance to (i.e. lack of participation in) Normative Society™️ also tend to increasingly intersect with time. It’s not a big leap to question all other social norms once you’ve questioned / liberated yourself from a few.
+
+So, with all of this in mind, I've arrived at my definition of queer.
+Small disclaimer, of course: it's just my personal definition based on my understanding of the communities I'm a member of;
+queer might be understood differently in different countries and communities, you might disagree with them – and that's perfectly fine.
+I'm only here to share my perspective, not preach any universal truths.
+
+So anyways:
+
+> **Queer is active subversion of the patriarchy.**
+
+With this definition of “queer”, things start making sense to me.
+A privileged cis gay guy in a monogamous relationship who's trying to be as “normal” as possible,
+to fit in and be accepted by the heteronormative society, whose fight for equal rights ends
+at the bare minimum he happens to need himself, without regard for the needs of the rest of his community – that's not my guy.
+He's not subversive of the patriarchy, he's assimilating into it.
+However, a guy who's active in feminist circles, who's painting his nails,
+going to protests against genocide in a different part of the world, participating in mutual aid groups, etc. –
+I don't even care about his identity to count him as queer in my book.
+He's actively subversive of the patriarchy.
+I don't care about endless discussions whether polyamory is an identity or a lifestyle choice,
+whether cishet polyamorous people should be considered part of the LGBTQIA+ community.
+Polyamory is actively subversive of the patriarchy – it's queer in my book.
+
+Queer is a movement, not just an identity.
+
+Queer is a verb.