Photo by Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash
+ +While browsing the responses in the [2023 Polish Nonbinary Census](https://zaimki.pl/spis), I came across one where the respondent refused to +answer most questions, adding notes like “gender doesn’t exist”, “gender doesn’t matter”, “we don’t need pronouns”, “you can’t escape +labels by adding more labels”, “be yourself”, “abandon the concept of gender”, “don’t let yourself be pigeonholed”, etc. This is not a +lone voice (though, admittedly, very rare) – I once discussed similar issues with an agender person who is currently working on one of +the upcoming language versions of Pronouns.page; and I myself am agender and have delved into similar reflections many times. + +For our [zine “Poczytałosie”](https://zaimki.pl/zin), I wrote a piece ([“Analogies”](https://avris.it/texts/analogie)), in which I consider this theme +– how from the perspective of a person who doesn’t feel a connection to any gender and understands it more in intellectual terms than +a personal experience, dividing people into categories more or less related to their genitals seems as absurd as if we treated each other +differently based on our blood type or hair color. It’s hard for me to see gender as anything other than an arbitrary and harmful +division. + +But at the same time, I understand people for whom their gender identity and the ways of expressing it are extremely important. Not +just transgender and nonbinary people, but also cisgender people. After all, when a cis man lowers his voice to sound more masculine, +or when a cis woman puts on makeup to emphasize her femininity – that’s also _gender performance_. Heck, I myself, even though I don’t +consider things like facial hair, makeup, or clothing as inherently appropriate for only one gender, when I paint my nails or wear a +dress, it’s partly just to feel good in my skin and feel that I look great – but undeniably, I often do it also to signal to the world: +I am not a man, stop seeing a man in me. + +Why are gender identity and expression so important to us? Because, even if we see the matter differently as individuals, we live in a +society where gender _is_ important. Even if it is “made up”. + +Gender is a **social construct**. There is no immutable law of physics +or biology that makes pink girly and blue boyish, that half of society must be referred to as “she” and the other half as “he”, that part of society +must be frowned upon for wearing makeup, and the other part for _not_ wearing it, etc., etc., etc. All these things are just conventions! +The society in France agrees on different norms than in Japan, people in antiquity observed different norms than we do now. + +This does not mean, however, that gender does not exist. A good analogy might be the law – yes, the law is a social construct, an +agreement, a convention, nothing tangible, objective, or immutable. But if you break it, you _will_ feel the consequences. + +Sure, it’s nice to speculate about how wonderful it would be to live in a world where gender doesn’t matter – where you can be whoever +you want, where no one looks at you through the lens of gender, judges, makes assumptions, imposes, forbids… where your gender has as +little impact on your life as your eye color. I would love to live in such a world and I bet a large part of nonbinary people shares a +similar vision. I don’t know if it could be called “abolishing” or “overthrowing” gender – since gender would still exist, it just +wouldn’t be a social compulsion. Maybe rather “abolishing gender roles”? + +But call it what you will. It seems that whether we collect queer labels and experiment with our gender expression, or completely +reject the concept of socio-cultural gender as absurd, we have the same goal – a world free of patriarchal constraints. The question +remains, how to achieve it. Pretend that it already is the way we would like it to be? Live as if gender didn’t matter until it finally doesn’t? +The pragmatic part of my mind screams that this is not the way. + +Using pronouns can be a good example… I fully understand people who use [_any pronouns_](/any), basically saying “call me whatever you want”. +I usually don’t feel dysphoria just because someone addresses me using [female](/she), [male](/he), [neutral](/they), or [neological](/xe) +forms. But I also know very well that if I told the world “my pronouns don’t matter, call me whatever you want” – 99% of people would +use male forms. Their mistaken assumption that I am a man will not be challenged. Language will reinforce the pattern. Although +_individually_ pronouns don’t make much difference to me, _collectively_ I prefer to choose (and expect respect for) the forms that +strike the patriarchal system. + +I approach the queer labels in a similar way. My identity (gender, sexual, romantic, relational) is complicated, ambiguous, +fluid, and constantly rediscovered. I don’t want to be pigeonholed, I’ve never been comfortable in any box. But I still gladly use +labels and flags – because I know they are our collective effort to understand and describe reality; that they are a tool by which we +tell each other: “I feel the same way”, “being like you is okay”. It’s easy to tell someone “just be yourself” – but it’s hard to know +who you really are, if you have no point of reference, if you don’t know what is even possible. + +Pretending that gender doesn’t exist can also be dangerous. Violence often has a gender – should we also ignore, for example, that +restricting reproductive rights is tied to how gender roles are perceived? Denying trans people the right to gender identity using the +excuse “I don’t believe in gender” could be compared to advocating for the abolition of borders: it’s a wonderful, utopian vision of +the world, and it’s nice to strive for it – but it requires systemic changes, not empty declarations and attacking the most vulnerable. +If, for example, you deny immigrants citizenship “because I don’t believe in borders”, you are not fixing the system, but under the +pretext of disagreement with the system, you are actually reinforcing it. + +I'm not saying any of this to attack [people who don’t use labels](/terminology#unlabeled) or who use [any pronouns](/any) – +there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! Everyone has their reasons, their thought process, and their preferences. However, I must +admit that it hurts to read demands like “stop seeing gender!” while the whole world constantly sees gender in me and imposes +arbitrary behavioral norms based on it. I don’t understand why someone tells me “just be yourself”, but at the same time tells me to +abandon all the vocabulary that helps me name (even if it's not super precise) who I am… + +Pronouns.page exists to help solve specific problems created by patriarchy. Yes, I would love a world where there is _no need_ to create +such resources, where there is _no need_ to introduce yourself with pronouns, to think about your gender or look for labels. +But as long as the oppressive patriarchal system imposes gender roles on us, surrendering and pretending that +“gender doesn’t exist” does not help us overthrow it in any way. diff --git a/locale/en/img/blog/fall-of-the-patriarchy.png b/locale/en/img/blog/fall-of-the-patriarchy.png new file mode 100644 index 000000000..43e9f6bb0 Binary files /dev/null and b/locale/en/img/blog/fall-of-the-patriarchy.png differ