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49 lines
2.8 KiB
Markdown
49 lines
2.8 KiB
Markdown
# Can I be…?
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<small>2022-11-19 | [@andrea](/@andrea)</small>
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I've noticed recently how many posts on some subreddits I follow are basically requests for validation of one's identity.
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Here's just a few examples from just one of them ([r/Nonbinary](https://reddit.com/r/Nonbinary)):
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- “can you be AFAB and very fem and still be non binary?”,
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- “Can I be straight and still non-binary???”,
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- “can I still kindaa think of myself as a dude but also be nonbinary??”,
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- “Can I be Genderfluid and Nonbinairy?”
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- “Can I be non-binary but still really enjoy my masculine appearance? I'm new to this 😅”
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Whenever I read a headline like that, I just roll my eyes and think to myself: _of course you can, silly!_ 😉
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I get where those questions come from. We live in a patriarchal, allocishetnormative society.
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There are schemes to follow. Rules to obey. Permissions to be granted.
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A cis straight guy never asked himself “can I be a man, marry one woman and have a bunch of kids?”
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– because that's exactly what the society expects of him, that's the scheme he's seeing in movies, books, among celebrities…
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It's only when you diverge from the One True Path of Life™ that you have to worry about what will others think.
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Our society teaches us to think that we need permission to be ourselves;
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that we can't be who we are until it gets validated by people around us.
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And queer is saying: fuck that.
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You don't need permission to be you.
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The way you look and express yourself doesn't need to match anyone's expectations that they made
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based on your <abbr title="assigned gender at birth">AGAB</abbr>, name, labels, or anything else.
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Your labels don't have to make sense to others.
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Sure, they're useful tools to communicate ideas, to approximate meanings –
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but at the end of the day your labels are _yours_.
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Yes, you can be a nonbinary dude. Even if somebody tells you that you can't, their opinion won't stop you from being a nonbinary dude.
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You can be a feminine <abbr title="assigned female at birth">AFAB</abbr> enby. You can be straight and nonbinary. You can be a man and a woman at the same time.
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You know best who you are, what your relationship with gender is like, who you're attracted to…
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You found the words that best describe what you feel – so feel free to… use those words to describe what you feel.
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That's what they're for!
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We might have lots of shared experiences with other people, but trust me, nobody else feels _exactly_ what you're feeling.
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Gender is complex. So is sexual, romantic or platonic attraction.
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We might try to put those concepts into rigid, simple definitions, but there's always gonna be someone who simply… doesn't fit in them.
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And it's okay.
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You don't need permission to be queer.
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